Quick answer: Premature ejaculation (PE) means regularly coming sooner than you or your partner would like, often within a minute or two of penetration, and feeling upset about it. It is one of the most common sexual concerns for men. Anxiety, excitement and a new partner all play a part. Techniques like stop-start, slowing down and pelvic floor exercises help many men, and a GP can help if it keeps bothering you.
Key takeaways
- PE is very common, and almost every man comes too quickly sometimes.
- Stress, excitement and not having had sex for a while make it more likely.
- The stop-start technique trains you to recognise and control the point of no return.
- Thicker or delay condoms can reduce sensitivity a little.
- If it is lifelong or distressing, a GP can help. Effective treatments exist.
What counts as premature ejaculation?
There is no exact time limit for “normal”. Doctors generally talk about PE when a man regularly ejaculates very soon after penetration, has little control over it, and it causes him or his partner distress. Coming quickly now and then, especially with a new partner or after a break from sex, is completely normal.
Why it happens
- Anxiety and pressure: worrying about how long you will last is one of the most common causes, and it can become a cycle.
- High excitement: a new partner, or not having had sex for a while.
- Habits: some men learned to masturbate quickly as teenagers and their body is used to it.
- Relationship stress or problems talking about sex.
- Erection worries: men with erection problems sometimes rush to finish before they lose their erection.
- Health factors: less commonly, prostate or thyroid problems.
Techniques that help
Most of these work best when you practise them on your own first, then with a partner, without any pressure to get it right straight away.
- Stop-start: during masturbation or sex, stop all stimulation when you feel close to coming. Wait until the urge fades, then start again. Repeat three or four times before you let yourself finish. Over time you learn to recognise the point of no return.
- The squeeze technique: when you feel close, you or your partner gently squeeze the penis just below the head for a few seconds until the urge passes.
- Pelvic floor exercises: men have pelvic floor muscles too. Strengthening them can give you more control. Pelvic Floor First explains how to find and train them.
- Slow down and breathe: slower, deeper breathing and changing rhythm or position can lower arousal.
- Focus on your partner: sex does not have to end when you come. Hands, mouths and toys mean your partner can still be satisfied.
Some men practise stop-start on their own with a stroker, which lets you take your time without any pressure.
Condoms and other products
A slightly thicker condom can reduce sensitivity a little. Some condoms, such as delay condoms, contain a lubricant designed to reduce sensation; check the ingredients and stop using them if you or your partner notice irritation. Numbing sprays and creams are also available from pharmacies, but ask a pharmacist or GP before using one, especially if your partner could come into contact with it. See our condom size guide to make sure your condoms fit well.
When to see a doctor
See your GP if PE has been a problem since you first started having sex, if it has started suddenly, or if it is affecting your confidence or relationship. A GP can check for physical causes and talk you through options such as counselling, sex therapy and prescription treatments. Healthy Male has a clear guide if you would like to read more first.
Frequently asked questions
How long should sex last?
There is no right answer. Research suggests penetrative sex often lasts only a few minutes for most couples. What matters is whether you and your partner are happy, not the clock.
Is premature ejaculation permanent?
Usually not. Many men improve with practice using techniques like stop-start and pelvic floor exercises, and medical treatments are available if those are not enough.
Do delay condoms work?
Some men find thicker or delay condoms reduce sensitivity enough to last a little longer. They contain a lubricant designed to reduce sensation, so check the ingredients and stop if either of you notices irritation.
Can pelvic floor exercises help men?
Yes. Men have pelvic floor muscles too, and strengthening them can improve control. It takes a few weeks of regular practice to notice a difference.
When should I see a doctor about premature ejaculation?
If it has always happened, started suddenly, or is causing you or your partner distress. A GP can look for causes and discuss treatment options.
This article is general information, not medical advice. Everyone is different, so please talk to your GP or a sexual health clinic about your own situation. Helpful Australian resources: Healthdirect, Healthy Male, Pelvic Floor First.
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